am I losing myself?

just dunno why recently there are a lot of thought that is going through my mind, be it to the smallest thing or to the very profound philosophy... yea and I am already halfway through my second semester of my uni life and still it is as stress as ever.. been under this kind of stress for almost a year,  it makes me kip on think of this question : after all what am I looking forward in my life and what do I really want to achieve? coming into sg to study undoubtedly is for its prestige and maybe a better earning in sg after I graduate. but then everything in this world doesn't come free. In exchange for this is the huge debt that i will be carry once I step out if my uni, and nevertheless the never ending stress that I will have to face with.. ever since enter the uni, I have been under stress and I have sacrifice a lot for my study til a extend that I really feel sick of this. And I always think of this,  doest it really worth it for me to be as so in exchange for the so called better future? well I really dunno for the time being.. maybe I am still immature that's why have this kind of thought ba.. another issue that I have been facing recently is that I feel I am losing myself haha I also dunno what I really wanna express by saying this @@ well being in such a competitive uni where all the top talent from all over the world gather, I feel myself am such a ordinary person and sometimes, lousy and useless. ok that's all for today although may still have tonnes of things to say but that's it for today...

the undeniable me..

it is true that I sucks, I am stubborn selfish and really bad in communication, especially with my family... to make thing worse, I don't like receive negative comments from ppl. I like to defend for myself, often think that I am correct, and unwilling to accept ppl advice.. I hate being accuse, and this happens a lot of time between me and my parents, but I do not know the correct way to communicate with them, and whenever I try to explain, without fail it will end up a fight.. as times goes on, I become more and more quiet, the level of communication become less and less until now I find it perfectly fine without actually talking to my parents at all.... I dunno why it end up this way but this is the situation now.... For my father side maybe is that he also kinda have the same type characteristic as me? And is obvious that he will not admit he is wrong at all the time.. and being a little bit 大男人 he once said this to me, you are children and you must learn how to respect your elderly, even though they says something wrong, you also have no right to talk back and you just only can keep quiet and accept.. well once he said this it is kinda obvious that there is no more communication already... as times goes on I already numb and dun feel like even try to communicate with them.. The sad part is I can't find the place for me to stand when I am with then, I just felt that I am the extra one whenever we all are all together.. and for the negative view of my mum or sis to Evy i really think is no point to care so much liao.. The most important thing is just that we both enjoy being together that's all and there is like a bit pointless that we all keep on worry whether that we can really be together and live together at the very end cause that is just still too far away already and instead of worrying about that question why dun just we all purely enjoy being together that's all... time to step out of the down period and try to find and know my own self more ba! jiayou Lin Jing Ming! :)