HOW???~~~~~~

lately kind of understood one more thing..... i am too far away from her ady.... my life doesn't even intersect with her's at all.... i knew it from long time ago... i am not her type and i am also not good enough for her..... but the only thing is i dunno why i just cant get her away from my mind... always when just have free time i will definitely think about her.... she is just too pretty and nice in my mind......... HOW!????? wat should i do???? can anybody tell me?




love always hurt~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

心不由自。。。。just cnt!!!~~~~

recently just found out tat she got one more admiral.... she actually got sms with a lot of other boys... and i am just one of the most unnoticed wan.... actually since long time ago, i already known tat me and her are just impossible. She won not ever like me, cause i am too sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!Really wanted to pull out myself from this relationship and pretend myself from sinking deeper and deeper into this endless hole.... really wanted to forger about her..... really wanted to pull out all my feeling towards her..... but the the want are still became wanted at the end... i just cant forgert about her..... i just cant let go my feeling towards her...... i just cant delete her from my life... is just like an virus in my system, an incredible virus which that just cant simply delete from the hardisc, only a reformat / reborn can delete it..... i can confirm tat if i still in ssi, i will not forget about my love towards her,will not have good feeling with other ppl......


~~~ ~~love hurts!

Happy!! but it is just a illusion......

today is friday... as normal i have kawad till 1 sumthing..... knewing tat she and pikyang got thing and stayback in the library for sum chinese thing, before i go down to hutan, i called pik yang and found out whether them is still in the library or not...... after i called , i knew tat the thing was just over.. then i walk quickly down to hutan hoping tat she is waiting for bus at the bustop there too..... when i almost reach there... i was so happy to c her standing at the bus stop there and was ALONE!!!! yeappy!!!! so i walk towards the bus stop.. say halo with her.... but she took the initiative to talk with me!!! then we talked for quite a few minits.... i was so enjoy when i was talking with her.... i think this is the first time having conversation with her like this!! the best thing is tat can look to her so nearly without being afraid of letting she knows.. cause we are talking lol!! she was really pretty.!!!!! really very enjoyed and exicited talking to her lorh...... although it was really enjoyable, but in my deep heart, i knew tat she was just talking to me like how she will to another boy, as a friend. so my feeling is quite complicated.... after around 3 minits, other st john member came down then we stopped our conversation. and soon after tat, the bus came..... i waited her to go into the bus before i go into the bus..... after sitting down, painess and sadness came straight into my heart....although i hope tat the conversation will last forever, but all of tat is just of my ILLUSION!!!! it will never come true............. :'(
love hurts~~~~~~~~~

weird----happy----hurt!!!

yesterday'yesterday night, use hui mei as a excuse to sms her... as normal, she replied... but the weird thing comes in. she replying in kind of friendly way, let me very easily to reply her.... so we sent sms to each other til around 1.10 am tat day... then i turn off the phone and slept (20-3-09).. the next day (21-3-09) when i turn on my phone after wake up as usual, i found there is 2 sms on my phone... i tot who will send me the sms, but wat suprise me the most is those 2 sms is from her!!!! the first wan she sent something kind of hard to reply wan.. but the second wan is after 7 minit from the first wan and she changed a bit of tat message by adding in a Q.... so after having my breakfast wif papa and mama then i reply her sms.... then after tat we been sending sms to each other (around 10++) . actually felt quite happy and enjoy sms wif her... dun have this kind of feeling when sms with others ppl including other girl wan...only with her i have this kind of special and pleased feeling... but after a while of happy, the most huring part comes...... i found out again acutally she still having another guy he like outside...... she said she dunno whether she has good feeling or even admire the guy... haiz~~~~!!!!!!! really sakit arh.... although have this kind of feeling a lot of time ady... but still i have not numb!!! it still very hurt!!! it is just like putting salt onto my unheal wound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she even said the guy jz took his spm result........... haiz..... one side love sure hurt!!!!

Dairy of the day (friday 6-3-2009)

today is the second day after our small exam finished... she gave me paper to write on it for melissa wong birthday.... i was quite happy cause it has been quite a long time since last time i talk wif her... and i was able to look into her eyes... but after all wat is so happy abt?? for sure she won have good feeling towards me wan--- cause i sucks...haiz the conflict just cnt pass through me... it has been stay at my heart for a long long time ady... i think i am only able to forget abt her only after we finish our secondary school life ba.... it has been 3 years already..(frm form 2 around february till now form 5 (2009) march..... orh btw it is march now already... really have to bulk up already.. after this weekend must start organising a systematic way of revising.. the first one i need to do a lot of revision is addmath.. i found out that if addmath din do revision, really is not enough.. just hope tat i can get over the conflict faster and that won affect me anymore..... planning to tell her tat i still love her after spm--- dunno how she will react..?????

result of the exam that got on today:
sj (75)
mt (96)
phy(90)
chem ( 72++) ---- paper too many mistake ady so teacher take back to mark again.. intially i got 72

Conflic.!

having exam soon.... still having problem with relationship, feeling that myself sucks and lousy. I knew that i dun stand a chance to be with her, because that i am not good enough for her. but the most silly thing is that i still hoping to be with her... i really dunno what am i wishing. Every time i saw her then my heart like been stabbed by thousand and million of knives and cutter...... it is really hurt.. when saw her talking to other boys very friendly and happily tat makes me hurt even more... but what else can i do???? nothing~~~~~~~~~~~~ jz try my best to forget abt her.... but it is not tat easy to say forget a person just in a short period... anyway, i have been loving her secretly since form2 and now i am form 5 already... add together already 4 years... my heart still with her, dunno wat will happend after i finish my school. dunno whether i can stand the hurt and the feeling of missing her or not???????
SAD, HURT, INFERIOR, TIRED, LONELY~~~~

the lonely car maniac~~~

STUDY!!!!!!!

chinese new year has over... it is time to start study seriously ady....... must work hard in order to get good result.. competition in first class is very intensive... so must bulk up to keep my standard...

love hurts.....!!!!!

still love u eunice...... dont think i am able to forget abt u... now even getting worse. as we are in the same class ady then every time will see u ... bt the thing is every time i saw u then i gt hurt badly..... realy badly......sumtime even feel tat my heart is being stab..... i noe tat i dun stand a chance... bt i really dun noe wat am i thinking n wat i am wishing ...........haiz who can help me??????