Happy!! but it is just a illusion......

today is friday... as normal i have kawad till 1 sumthing..... knewing tat she and pikyang got thing and stayback in the library for sum chinese thing, before i go down to hutan, i called pik yang and found out whether them is still in the library or not...... after i called , i knew tat the thing was just over.. then i walk quickly down to hutan hoping tat she is waiting for bus at the bustop there too..... when i almost reach there... i was so happy to c her standing at the bus stop there and was ALONE!!!! yeappy!!!! so i walk towards the bus stop.. say halo with her.... but she took the initiative to talk with me!!! then we talked for quite a few minits.... i was so enjoy when i was talking with her.... i think this is the first time having conversation with her like this!! the best thing is tat can look to her so nearly without being afraid of letting she knows.. cause we are talking lol!! she was really pretty.!!!!! really very enjoyed and exicited talking to her lorh...... although it was really enjoyable, but in my deep heart, i knew tat she was just talking to me like how she will to another boy, as a friend. so my feeling is quite complicated.... after around 3 minits, other st john member came down then we stopped our conversation. and soon after tat, the bus came..... i waited her to go into the bus before i go into the bus..... after sitting down, painess and sadness came straight into my heart....although i hope tat the conversation will last forever, but all of tat is just of my ILLUSION!!!! it will never come true............. :'(
love hurts~~~~~~~~~

weird----happy----hurt!!!

yesterday'yesterday night, use hui mei as a excuse to sms her... as normal, she replied... but the weird thing comes in. she replying in kind of friendly way, let me very easily to reply her.... so we sent sms to each other til around 1.10 am tat day... then i turn off the phone and slept (20-3-09).. the next day (21-3-09) when i turn on my phone after wake up as usual, i found there is 2 sms on my phone... i tot who will send me the sms, but wat suprise me the most is those 2 sms is from her!!!! the first wan she sent something kind of hard to reply wan.. but the second wan is after 7 minit from the first wan and she changed a bit of tat message by adding in a Q.... so after having my breakfast wif papa and mama then i reply her sms.... then after tat we been sending sms to each other (around 10++) . actually felt quite happy and enjoy sms wif her... dun have this kind of feeling when sms with others ppl including other girl wan...only with her i have this kind of special and pleased feeling... but after a while of happy, the most huring part comes...... i found out again acutally she still having another guy he like outside...... she said she dunno whether she has good feeling or even admire the guy... haiz~~~~!!!!!!! really sakit arh.... although have this kind of feeling a lot of time ady... but still i have not numb!!! it still very hurt!!! it is just like putting salt onto my unheal wound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she even said the guy jz took his spm result........... haiz..... one side love sure hurt!!!!

Dairy of the day (friday 6-3-2009)

today is the second day after our small exam finished... she gave me paper to write on it for melissa wong birthday.... i was quite happy cause it has been quite a long time since last time i talk wif her... and i was able to look into her eyes... but after all wat is so happy abt?? for sure she won have good feeling towards me wan--- cause i sucks...haiz the conflict just cnt pass through me... it has been stay at my heart for a long long time ady... i think i am only able to forget abt her only after we finish our secondary school life ba.... it has been 3 years already..(frm form 2 around february till now form 5 (2009) march..... orh btw it is march now already... really have to bulk up already.. after this weekend must start organising a systematic way of revising.. the first one i need to do a lot of revision is addmath.. i found out that if addmath din do revision, really is not enough.. just hope tat i can get over the conflict faster and that won affect me anymore..... planning to tell her tat i still love her after spm--- dunno how she will react..?????

result of the exam that got on today:
sj (75)
mt (96)
phy(90)
chem ( 72++) ---- paper too many mistake ady so teacher take back to mark again.. intially i got 72